October 18, 2017, is the day my handsome baby boy was brought into this world. It was 2:19am, and I was quite exhausted from having been up the whole day before and then delivering a baby. Labor and delivery were relatively quick, at least quicker than I thought they would have gone. From what I could tell, everything was going great, until my son came out.
My doctor and I talked about what my preferences were during and post delivery. When things did not go as planned, I knew something wasn't quite right. As soon as my son was born, the doctor cut the cord and rushed Bren away, which is definitely not what we talked about. So, I laid there and waited for the doctor to inform us as to what was going on. She did not come back quickly. I had asked another doctor that was in the room, who happened to be a good friend of ours, what was going on and the response I received was "she is using the bag to breathe for him right now". Some people thought that should have scared me, but it didn't. I had complete trust in our doctor and that she was going to do everything she could for our little boy.
I laid there for what felt like forever. Eventually we were told our baby had aspirated meconium and was going to be transferred to Madison to continue to be monitored. I got up, showered, and dressed, to everyone's amazement, and was ready to leave when the Madison team got to the hospital. One of the Madison team members told us about the cooling process that likely would take place. She explained that the cooling process would stop any secondary brain injury from occurring. At that point I stopped listening. Brain injury?!? SECONDARY brain injury?!? Questions raced through my head as I tried to hold it together. One of the nurses from the Madison team told me it was okay to cry and began to cry with me. I continued to try and hold it together as they took my baby boy to the ambulance and I stayed waiting to get discharged.
I do not remember much of the discharge conversation but I do remember the nurse telling me that I needed to be able to talk to people about what happened. I remember my doctor telling me it is okay to cry. I remember our good friend(another doctor) praying with us. I was in and out of the delivery room in less than 12 hours.
The rest of that day is mostly a blur. I remember bits and pieces but not most. That was likely due to the exhaustion I was experiencing but also due to the trauma that was occurring around me. Even as I sit here now and type this, the emotions are flooding me all over again. I felt the punch in the gut when talking about the brain injury. I felt the disbelief as I remembered the Madison team taking my baby away. I felt the struggle as I tried to hold it together all over again.
I knew having a baby would change our lives forever but I definitely did not think that we would have the new normals that were lying ahead.
My doctor and I talked about what my preferences were during and post delivery. When things did not go as planned, I knew something wasn't quite right. As soon as my son was born, the doctor cut the cord and rushed Bren away, which is definitely not what we talked about. So, I laid there and waited for the doctor to inform us as to what was going on. She did not come back quickly. I had asked another doctor that was in the room, who happened to be a good friend of ours, what was going on and the response I received was "she is using the bag to breathe for him right now". Some people thought that should have scared me, but it didn't. I had complete trust in our doctor and that she was going to do everything she could for our little boy.
I laid there for what felt like forever. Eventually we were told our baby had aspirated meconium and was going to be transferred to Madison to continue to be monitored. I got up, showered, and dressed, to everyone's amazement, and was ready to leave when the Madison team got to the hospital. One of the Madison team members told us about the cooling process that likely would take place. She explained that the cooling process would stop any secondary brain injury from occurring. At that point I stopped listening. Brain injury?!? SECONDARY brain injury?!? Questions raced through my head as I tried to hold it together. One of the nurses from the Madison team told me it was okay to cry and began to cry with me. I continued to try and hold it together as they took my baby boy to the ambulance and I stayed waiting to get discharged.
I do not remember much of the discharge conversation but I do remember the nurse telling me that I needed to be able to talk to people about what happened. I remember my doctor telling me it is okay to cry. I remember our good friend(another doctor) praying with us. I was in and out of the delivery room in less than 12 hours.
The rest of that day is mostly a blur. I remember bits and pieces but not most. That was likely due to the exhaustion I was experiencing but also due to the trauma that was occurring around me. Even as I sit here now and type this, the emotions are flooding me all over again. I felt the punch in the gut when talking about the brain injury. I felt the disbelief as I remembered the Madison team taking my baby away. I felt the struggle as I tried to hold it together all over again.
I knew having a baby would change our lives forever but I definitely did not think that we would have the new normals that were lying ahead.
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