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The Diagnosis

Since the time Bren had his MRI we knew there was a high likelihood that Bren would be diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at some point. Bren had been doing so well and defying all other odds that we were beginning to think he would defy that one too. Then I started noticing things that weren't quite "normal". Now, Bren is our first child but I had done enough babysitting and working with children that I knew something was off. Bren started having arm movements that seemed involuntary. His arms were becoming tighter and he fought me a lot more when I tried to move them. His head control started to decline a bit. It was at that point I knew, Bren wasn't going to defy the odds of having a CP diagnosis.

March 13, 2018. This was the day that Bren's physical therapist gave us the unofficial diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still hard to hear. We weren't shocked. We were hurt and angry. Specifically, I was mad at God. Why had God allowed Bren to defy all of these other odds but not this one? It felt like God had played a trick on us. Giving us this hope and than crushing it.

I don't stay mad for long, as it takes too much effort to be mad. Within 24 hours I was over my anger and I started looking up what kinds of resources we could get for Bren once he had the official diagnosis. Most things I found said that neurologists would not diagnosis Cerebral Palsy until closer to the age of 2. That was a little discouraging. I didn't want to wait until Bren was 2 before we could start giving him resources that would help him(and initially our family) thrive.

March 21, 2018. We saw Bren's neurologist. I kid you not, she walked into the room and said "Oh yeah, Bren has CP". Um, what? No exam was preformed. No questions were asked. She took one look at him and decided that Bren has CP. I was amazed that she could determine that right away.  I was also amazed that she was willing to say that even though he was only 5 months old. After talking with her some more(and quite a bit of pushing from me), we decided to have him officially diagnosed even though it was way earlier than most kiddos. I knew that if we wanted to get the ball rolling on resources and support, we needed that diagnosis.
 
We left that appointment feeling relieved and defeated. We were relieved that we no longer had to wait and see. We were relieved that we could get Bren started on resources that he was likely going to need for the rest of his life. We were defeated that he didn't defy the odds. We were defeated that she took one look at him and knew.

We know God has an amazing plan for this little guy. We know that regardless of Bren's ability level, God is going to work through Bren and use Bren to show others who God is. It's hope that keeps us going. It's faith that allows us to know this isn't everything. It's God's endless love that shows us this is just the beginning of a long but wonderful journey.

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