Skip to main content

When Do We Get To Be Parents?

Since Bren has been born we have always had doctors or specialists telling us what we can and cannot do with Bren. We've been told how much he needs to eat and how he needs to eat. We've been told what activities and therapies to do with him. We've been told that he has to be on certain medications.

It's never felt like we have had a choice in any of this. We didn't have a choice in whether or not our child was born with special needs. We haven't had a choice in any of his treatments. We haven't been given the freedom to let Bren show us what he can do. We so desperately want what's best for Bren. We trust that the doctors and specialists know what they are doing far better than what we know. But, there are days that I wish we could:

-Let Bren tell us when he is hungry rather than feeding him on such a strict schedule.
-Let Bren tell us how much he wants to eat.
-Let Bren be a kid and not have to worry about different therapies and doing them throughout the day.
-Let Bren go even just 1 week without seeing a doctor or specialist.
-Let Bren be a kid and not report every health concern to someone.

Now, I know that each and every thing we have to do is in the best interest of Bren and that allowing Bren to do some of the things above, could be dangerous for him(like the whole eating thing for example). And I know things can be dangerous for him even if we don't think so because of everything he has going on. So I am not saying we will stop doing the things we are told. But when do we get to be Bren's parents? When do we get to make the call of what is concerning and not? When do we get to decide when and how much Bren should eat? Will we ever get to make those choices?



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Letter To My Kiddo With Disabilities

Hey Kiddo,  When your dad and I first found out you were going to be part of our family; I couldn’t stop myself from dreaming and having goals for you. I was excited to watch you play soccer and be in the band. I was excited for you to love reading just as much as me. I even thought about what your long term future would hold and if you would get married and have your own kids.  The day of your birth was one of the happiest but also the scariest day of my life. We almost lost you. But thanks to an awesome, loving, gracious God and your amazing doctor, you were able to stay here on Earth with us. You survived our nightmare. You were not given very good outcomes in the NICU but that has never stopped you from progressing and flying past the expectations they put on you.  My dreams for you changed, that day in the NICU when they told us you have HIE and likely will develop CP and a list of other diagnoses and to never expect you to lead a “normal” life. Instead of dr...

The Diagnosis

Since the time Bren had his MRI we knew there was a high likelihood that Bren would be diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at some point. Bren had been doing so well and defying all other odds that we were beginning to think he would defy that one too. Then I started noticing things that weren't quite "normal". Now, Bren is our first child but I had done enough babysitting and working with children that I knew something was off. Bren started having arm movements that seemed involuntary. His arms were becoming tighter and he fought me a lot more when I tried to move them. His head control started to decline a bit. It was at that point I knew, Bren wasn't going to defy the odds of having a CP diagnosis. March 13, 2018. This was the day that Bren's physical therapist gave us the unofficial diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still hard to hear. We weren't shocked. We were hurt and angry. Specifically, I was mad at God. Why had God a...

Dear Mama

I recently read a blog post where a woman wrote a letter addressed to herself before her daughter was diagnosed with CP. I learned a lot from that letter and you can read it here. One of the things that really stuck out to me was when she said "Her progress doesn’t solely rely on you; she will go at her own pace. Follow her lead and be strong for her". I cannot tell you how many times a day I see Bren's lack of progress as a failure on my part. Because here's the thing; I am with him almost 24/7. I am taking him to this therapy and that therapy, this doctor's appointment and that one. It's easy for others to tell me that it's not my fault and Bren will do what he can when he can and it's so true. He will and just because he doesn't do something we have been working all day on, does not mean that I failed. I love letters. I love getting things that are thought out and filled with so much love. Words of affirmation are my thing. I love to give th...