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Valdidation is Freeing

When you work with others for 40+ hours a week, you see a lot of different things. You see how the family cycle plays out. You see how mental health impacts a person but also their family. You see how outside influences can really help or hurt someone. And when I was working, it was not uncommon for me to take those experiences and use them to evaluate my own life. It also became "easy" to recognize signs of different mental health diagnoses and when a psychologist validated my suspicion, I always did a little fist pump.

When Bren was born, I knew right away how highly susceptible I was to Postpartum Depression and PTSD. When I would recognize signs in myself, I would quickly ignore them. But really, I knew they existed. Bren was born in October and it took me till January to acknowledge that those things were there and to seek help. I believe it took me that time frame because I thought I knew what I needed to do in order to move past them. I mean, I had worked with people with mental health diagnoses for years and I worked them on learning how to cope. The major thing I forgot, was the fact that when I was in my social work role, I was the third/fourth/fifth. party looking in on the situation. It wasn't my own personal situation. This was. And let me tell you, it's a whole lot different looking in on a situation than dealing with it personally. I always knew that it was different but experiencing it was something new. I needed that person/those people looking into my life and giving me tips on how to cope with everything that happened. So, by the time I had my first counseling appointment, I was pretty positive I had PTSD. It took 4 sessions of counseling before I got the official diagnosis but it was so incredibly freeing when I did. It's amazing what validation can do. I finally felt like I had the strength to overcome it all. I finally felt like I really did know what I was doing in my attempts to cope. It was so freeing to have someone validate how haunting the memories and feelings of Bren's birth were and still are.

When Bren is doing something that no one has answers for, I crave validation. I crave the validation that he is "okay". I crave the validation that he isn't having a seizure. I crave the validation that he will likely grow out of it and that it won't last forever. But the one thing I've come to realize with Bren, is that it is always a wait and see game. That may never change. That validation from medical professionals may never come. Those are the times that we have learned to draw close to God. To get the validation from Him that everything is going to be okay. It's not always easy to believe things are going to be okay when we can't physically hear that. It's not always easy to understand that at the end of the day things are going to be just how they are suppose to be. And sometimes that validation from God, just doesn't feel like enough. But we know that it is. We know that His understanding surpasses ours. We know that His love for Bren is far greater than we can imagine and that He hurts when we hurt. It's not always easy remembering those truths, but we are better off when we do.


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