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The First Year

I have no idea how to begin this posted. I can't tell you how many times I started this post and then deleted it because it just did not seem right. This post isn't what I intended it to be but it's everything I needed it to be.

It's been a year. It's been a shitty year. It's been a joyful year. It's been an overwhelming year. It's been a year full of learning and new experiences. It was not how I expected our first year to go, but I wouldn't trade this year for anything.

I've said it before and I will say it at least a thousand more times; we have an amazing community. Our community is what helped make this year what it was. They sat with us, cried with us, listened to me wallow, and loved us through it all. But my favorite part about this amazing community we have is how they love to celebrate Bren with us, every "little" thing was as big to them as it was to us.

About a week before my son's birthday, I sent this text to my 5 closest friends:

This time a year ago I was on maternity leave anxiously awaiting Bren’s arrival. Little did I know that it would be the last few days I would ever feel “normal” again. But in the past year, I’ve gained wonderful friends and deepened my relationships with others. You have walked a journey with us you never expected to. As I type this I am sobbing because I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for you and (husband's name) and your kiddos. You have made me laugh more times than I count. You continuously point me back to Jesus. You let me wallow and you willingly sit in the mess with me. I was never surprised about this journey but I am surprised about the amazing people I’ve met along the way. Thanks for being there for the hard stuff. Thanks for celebrating every milestone with us. Thanks for being one of my best friends. I love you. 

A few days later, I saw this image: 

I promise you, I am only this strong because of the community I have. We COULD NOT have gotten through the diagnosis and this first year without them. Our community has definitely changed over the last year and that's okay. When crisis hits, you find out who your real friends are.

I tell people that this was not God's intended plan for our life. He did not want our world to be broken in this way. But He knew we would need people surrounding us and He perfectly planned the best people to join #teambren. I have no doubt that God orchestrated those new relationships.

Because of how amazing God is and how encouraging our community is; we have gotten to enjoy and celebrate so many milestones Bren "was never suppose to meet". We have watched him eat from a bottle and eat some solids. We have watched him take steps with support. We have watched him sit independently and play.

There are still SO many things we hope to see Bren do in life but we choose to celebrate all of the "little" things because to us they are big things. They are things they told us never to expect Bren to be able to do. Without these big milestones, we never could hope for the other things. And even if those other things don't come, Bren is already surpassing expectations and showing people how big our God is. No mountain is too big to overcome and Bren is a living example of that everyday.

Happy Birthday, Bren.


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